A typical conversation between my supervisor and I usually goes like this:
Supervisor: Kaycia, we love the work you’ve been doing lately!
Kaycia: Thank you! I could be better though.
Supervisor: What do you mean?
Kaycia: There is a lot of things that I still feel like I need to work on…
I have a habit of dismissing compliments that praise a skill that more than likely I’ve worked my butt off to achieve. I usually dismiss it with a simple hand wave, head wave, or by saying “It’s all in a days work.” I have always operated on an understanding of I know what I am doing but I also don’t know what I am doing. This is especially true because my current job is not in the field I have received my degree in. I do my job really well but sometimes I don’t and when that happens, it takes a toll on my self- confidence.
I have been at my current job going on three years now and I feel like I have barely scratched the surface of the knowledge that it takes in order to have to work in this field. I have made significant strides that are apparent but I think that I still have so much to learn especially since my degree isn’t in this field. I still feel like I’m in the infantile stages of my work so any progress made isn’t warranted because I am still not 100 percent proficient. The real question is how do I start to look at the glass half-full instead of half empty?
As I am writing this, I cannot seem to get the right words out to describe how I feel about this particular topic. I’ve been exploring my lack of self-confidence and where it stems from and what I have gathered so far is that I don’t like to be embarrassed and I put great emphasis on getting things right on the first try. It is one of the traits of being a Virgo that I am not too fond of. When I fail (in any capacity) to me, which is the worst thing that could happen. Growing up I have had my share of failures but I don’t think I’ve bounced back from them even though it has been years since the incidents have happened.
Now that I am older, being more confident is something that I strive to be because it will improve my overall feeling about the accomplishments that I have and will achieve in the future. Here is one way I plan to achieve this goal:
I plan on being more present with my accomplishments, this means celebrating them a bit more and making it a big deal instead of brushing it off. I believe that doing this will help me appreciate the steps that I have taken no matter how small it is.
If you have been through this situation or are going through this feel free to leave some advice for me in the comments or via Twitter at @KayciaSailsman. I look forward to reading them.
By: Kaycia Sailsman
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