“Are you okay?”

That is a question that I get frequently and it is usually the one I am the most hesitant to answer. My go-to line is “Yes, I’m okay” or I deflect the question back onto the person, but I rarely ask myself that question and really dig deep to find out if I am truly okay.  One thing I am working on for the latter part of the year is trying to find outlets for my frustration. I am the “suffer in silence” type mostly because I am non-confrontational. However, as I get older, I’m recognizing the importance of speaking up, for the big issues that involve my space, respect, friends, family, and integrity. I am learning it is better to say something than to stay quiet.

However, for those small, inconvenient things that still bother me, how do I deal with them? I do journal but that’s helpful when I just want to be alone with me and my thoughts only. But sometimes journaling isn’t enough for me to get my frustration out. As quiet and timid as I may seem, sometimes I feel like hitting or throwing something across a room. Woah, that sounds extreme when I write it out but that’s how I feel and I would hope I never get to that point in life where throwing objects across the room is how I vent my frustrations.

With the myriad amounts of self-care apps accessible if you have a phone and WIFI, I still find checking in a difficult task to do. I know that may sound lazy but after coming home from work, sometimes the only energy I have is to change into my house clothes, wash my face, and lay down. For me, I think the simple things are the better, things work out best for me when I take things one by one, some may say slow but I say diligent. As someone who identifies as being easily overwhelmed, I should be doing this more often. Sometimes I can lose myself in other people because I make myself easily accessible when it comes to helping out someone and don’t create the same access for myself. For me it can be something as simple as eating breakfast, a task that I don’t do often because soon as my body leaves the bed it’s GO, GO, GO!  Due to that I usually end up feeling fatigued, hungry, and end up with a headache forming behind my eyes.

What’s the point of me writing this?

As growing adults who are coming to terms with who they are and the decisions they have to make, it can be easy to fall by the wayside. But always ask yourself “who else is going to do it?” Let that question sit with you for a moment. Checking with our loved ones and friends is just as important as checking in with yourself to make sure that you are performing at your best. You are the one that is in your body and know how you feel or what makes you feel a certain type of way so check in and make sure you are good emotionally to take on the different people and situations you face in a day.

So, here’s to me and you doing better with self-check-ins with these simple steps:

1. Use Headphones: if you have Spotify (or another music account) that is a great way to get your mind off of what is happening externally. To check-in you may want to listen to a 4-5-minute motivational word, a self-care podcast, or your favorite inspirational artist.
2. Find Time in the Smallest Ways: Take advantage of your downtime in the smallest ways, remember when I mentioned being so tired all I had energy for is laying down, one thing I could do is a small meditation practice to reset or take a quick nap.
3. Say No: For me there is nothing worse than saying yes to something you don’t want to do. It doesn’t work at all, the energy you bring into the room isn’t the same, your interactions won’t be genuine, and everyone will clearly know that. So, say no, so you can avoid all of that and keep your relationships as is.
4. Books are Your Friend: Ask yourself this question, when is the last time you’ve read a chapter of a book? Could you be reading more regularly? One way of being present and checking in with myself is by trying to at least one chapter a day and if I’m really good I’ll journal my thoughts as well.

By: Kaycia Sailsman

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