Everyone knows Valentine’s Day is the most loved-up holiday of the year. Stores have pink, red, and heart-shaped merchandise for sale right after New Year’s. Even at a young age, the idea of romantic love is thrust upon us. But why can’t Valentine’s Day be an acknowledgement of familial or friendly love as well as romantic? The commercialization and popularization of romantic love and Valentine’s Day has increased the pressure on couples (and singles!) to conform.

When February hits, couples begin to think, “What should I get him/her/they? I have to get the most romantic, most thoughtful gift ever!” This pressure may seem small and self-placed, but with commercials becoming increasingly sentimental, and the years keep passing when you’re with someone for longer and longer…the pressure heightens. If you got your partner the best gift last year, how are you supposed to top it this year? And if you haven’t been with your partner long, should you even get a present for them? Will not acknowledging Valentine’s Day with a week-old relationship be weird? Fortunately, there are now all types of blogs and articles about what to get someone for Valentine’s Day in almost every situation (shoutout to Buzzfeed!) The pressure is on.

The origin of Valentine’s Day is far different from its modern meaning. The seemingly innocent holiday originated from a Roman festival, in which men would sacrifice animals, and subsequently whip women with those fresh animal hides. There would then be a matchmaking ceremony, and the couples would then do what most modern couples do on the day of love. So…definitely not a very romantic event.

But why, you may ask, is the holiday now renowned for its loved-up reputation? Ah, my friend. The answer is the same as to why any holiday is more popular now: commercialization. That’s not to say that the idea of the holiday can’t be innocent, even if it’s origins and ensuing rise in popularity are not. The commercialization of Valentine’s Day has lead to the above-mentioned social pressures. With pink and red colored decorations, roses, and hearts everywhere, anyone would find it difficult to resist the temptation of feeling sorry for themselves for not being single. And yet, love doesn’t just take the shape of romantic love. No—love comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms. Don’t we love our parents? Our best friends? Our pets? Ourselves? Instead of focusing on eros, let yourself focus on self-love; on love in friendship; familial love. The easiest way? Just tell someone how much you care about them.

Not only is outward love important though. Loving yourself is important too. While yes, some people take it too far (Hello Narcissus!), taking care of yourself is just as important as forming loving relationships with other people. Valentine’s Day may be a way to show your friends and family your love, but don’t forget yourself! Within the past few years self-love has become much more important. However, sometimes it appears to simply take on a superficial form.

Self-love isn’t just facemasks, naps, and baths though (although that is a great idea for a low-key Valentine’s Day…). Self-love is not allowing yourself to slack. Self-love is forcing yourself to grow so you become a better, healthier person: whether that’s making yourself take the time to cook a healthy meal, or seriously thinking about changing your mental health habits. Constantly comparing yourself to others? No! Sit yourself down and think about all the amazing things about yourself, so next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to others you can say, “I’m amazing too!” Self-sabotaging? Ask a friend to check in on you every now and then to help break the habit. Self-love can be easy, but it can also be incredibly difficult.

This Valentine’s Day don’t forget to tell your friends and family how much you love them—but don’t forget yourself either!

By: Piper Loehrke

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