The subject of self-care has become a significant topic of conversation recently. While exploring what self-care entails for me, I realized that the most popular narrative of self-care is reflected in that of pampering with face masks, massages, meditation, and nail salon trips. I found that their effects were only temporary and that I had to develop my own self-care recipe tailored to my needs, and then I discovered what I was lacking once I wiped the mask off and the incense burned out.

1. Filtering out people and their energy

If you’ve often felt yourself feeling unnerved, anxious or irritated after engaging with certain people, it’s evident that the energy exchange between the two of you isn’t pleasant and it certainly does not match. The solution I found is to simply cut my exchanges short with these people. I converse as little as possible and once I see the conversation taking a turn that is uninviting to my aura, I end it. Abruptly but nicely.

In doing this, I discovered my mood is much lighter. My mind is not constantly going through a whirlwind of emotions from a simple conversation and I can easily decipher conversations I’m  willing to have versus the ones I’m not.

If you’re able to avoid conversation with these energy-suckers all together, even better. Often times the best response is no response.

2. Listening to your own advice

It’s completely normal to seek others for guidance in certain situations. It’s also normal for others to share their well-intentioned, yet, unsolicited advice. What I’ve learned is, no matter how excellent someone’s advice is—even if it works—that advice will more often than not come from their own personal experience.

It’s important to learn that every person’s experience is not the same. What worked for one person will not necessarily work for the next. So, make your mistakes, take that job, date that person, eat that food in general, take that chance. You’d be surprised how much you miss out on when you base your actions off other people’s opinions, following other people’s advice.

Also, being able to discern the context of people’s guidance. People can dress their guidance up with a pretty bow and slap a “concern” label on it to make it sound good. Weigh all outcomes of the direction you’re desiring to go in. If none of them end in self-destruction, don’t be afraid to take a chance.

3. Self-awareness is key

Once I became more self-aware of how my existence as a person effected not only those around me but myself, I was able to move freely in my life. I feel it is absolutely important to understand why you are the way you are. It’s essential to know what events from your childhood or current life have sparked certain qualities in you, whether good or bad.

Unfortunately, it’s the bad events that I’ve found people tend to carry with them into their adult years. Discover why you’re so impatient, scared to be alone, can’t stop spending money, afraid of loud noises, don’t like being intimate with another person, etc. And then discover how the root of all of that may be affecting your current state of being or those around you.

Being aware of how you move in this world is crucial to your growth as an individual. You may come to that harsh, Waiting-to-Exhale-moment with yourself, when you look back on any of your shortcomings and ask yourself, “Wtf was wrong with me?” Any self-realization you experience is essential to furthering your self-care journey.

4. It’s not a secret, it’s just none of their business

 We often fall into the pattern of sharing our lives with those we love, but that can sometimes be a mistake in terms of the direction you want your life to go in. As humans who are often searching for a soul connection with our loved ones, we fall into the pattern of over-sharing our lives. Opening doors with certain people is not always beneficial. No matter how great people’s intentions may be, everybody does not need to know everything.

I encourage people to keep hidden gems for themselves. This is not for the sake of keeping people in the dark, but moreso about learning to trust yourself firsthand. This can be difficult if you’re used to baring all of your soul to your loved ones. They may suddenly feel as if you’re keeping secrets and being sneaky when you go from being very open to suddenly vague. In reality, certain aspects of your life are not a secret, they are just not everyone’s business.

On any journey of self-love and self-care, the relationship you have with yourself is first and foremost the most important.

By: Chantelle Polite

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