You don’t suck at relationships, you are probably just lazy!

Relationships… I love the way they hurt. I love the way they soothe. I love the way they feel and heal. I love the lessons…

Relationships… I love the way they hurt. I love the way they soothe. I love the way they feel and heal. I love the lessons in it all. Listen ya’ll, aint (that’s right, “ain’t”) no science to relationships, they just are. They’re complexly and simply what you make of it. Hard? Yes. Confusing? Yes. But when you get it right, is it worth it? YES! Priceless? YES! In a relationship, one must constantly be in grind-mode. It’s like a garden that requires much pruning, you hate to prune but you do so because you know what fertile soil and good ground you’ve got in that garden and you want to see it reflect that. You want everything that is produced from it to be fresh. That yard work is just like relationship work; as soon as you get comfortable and complacent, you begin slacking someplace and you lose some of its freshness. Sometimes you’ve got to be willing to push harder and learn to value the work ethic that is required in it all. Keep every aspect of your relationship alive and fresh, not just zeroing in on the parts the society tells you to or the parts you think are most important. It’s most important to always treat the relationship like it’s new. Never stop working at it.

Fellas, this is what you should seek and desire-the long-lastingness of a healthy relationship with a virtuous, intelligent- and God-loving woman. This is the woman of your dreams; better yet, the woman God has created for you. If you work hard at it, you will eventually obtain it. But how will you sustain it?

The soulful singer Lauryn Hill once said “universal law, what you throw out, comes back to you, star.” I remember years ago, I expressed to a few of my close and personal friends that I felt like I had a curse on me. I called it ‘the two-year jones’ (even wrote a poem about it). I noticed late in the game of love, that every relationship that I would enter into, would go south, go sour or dissolve after two years. It never failed! ‘What am I doing wrong?’ I would at times screech to myself. As I matured in life, I then asked myself, ‘what am I putting out?’ because this determined what I would get back in return. I got the karma, I reaped what I sowed, I saw the fruits of the nasty seeds that I planted; bottom line, I got it all back ten-fold.  Ain’t God’s word on time?

I had to change what I was giving out in order to see the fruits of a glorious harvest. How was I expecting a long-lasting relationship when I had one foot in and one foot out, was ready to leave them at the drop of a foul word directed at me, very argumentative, holding one’s self higher than one ought to, and plenty more. I mean how could any of them even work if I was doing those things alone? Also, I was choosing partners that had their own issues to deal with. It took me awhile, but with God’s help I realized that I’d like to look at my partner and see God’s reflection and she see the same in me. Once I started living with that mentality my motto became “roll with it or move on to the next one.” I’d still leave, but this time it wasn’t premature but rather because it was much clearer what I was seeking and if you weren’t it then there was no point of wasting each other’s time. I wanted something long-lasting. I wanted something worth working hard at.

I know this may not be grammatically correct but it fits oh so well at this time…. God don’t make no junk. Once I truly discovered my own worth I knew to seek out something and someone that would be long-lasting because I knew that with God first I could now give 100% of me to her. One must first find his or her own worth in order to be able to recognize the full worth in another person. 

So just like that garden with the ‘good ground’ one must work hard at the worthy relationships in order to reap the harvest. While living on this earth where it may seem that weeds are in abundance, never forget that the Most High can still show you the loveliness of a fresh flower, keep it fresh, make it long-lasting and even have it stand out and shine so that you have no choice but to notice and ultimately nourish it. That flower could prove to be your next soulmate. Stay strong beloveds.

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