For a long time, I have always felt the need to reinvent myself at the beginning of the new year. I would sign up for the gym, wake up at the crack of dawn, meal prep, and other things that would eventually make me a better person. This would only last for three weeks and then I’d take one day off, and that day off would lead to a downward spiral of waking up late, wasted gym fees, and eating kettle cooked chips for dinner. What happened to the motivated girl that was present a few weeks ago? Where did she go? I continue to ask myself that question as I move through the year trying to complete the annual list of goals that I have created for myself.
Discipline is the one thing I wish I had more of. I have tried journaling, speaking to other people, giving myself a pep talk but nothing seems to be giving me that push that I need to get the ball rolling. The longest I’ve ever done something consistently is three weeks. After that, it’s like my brain makes a conscious decision to slack off. This has made me ask the question ‘am I just a lazy person?’ I don’t personally think so but there are times where I’m not sprinting to do work especially if it’s the weekend or even after getting home from work. There are times when I spend a copious amount of time dreaming of the life I want for myself, and only to come back to reality and find myself not where I want to be or even worse, not working towards my goals.
It is one thing to write down goals, create a vision board, and begin to hold yourself accountable. But it is another to be mentally ready for all of the uncomfortable shifts when it comes to implementing the change. There is always a trade-off when you make a change big or small in your life. A change that usually scares me away from the path that I have started on. I have to learn how to be firm in body and mind against the rough patch that happens whenever you start something new. When faced with a situation it is very difficult for me to hold myself steady and remain steadfast with the goals I have for myself. Does anyone else have this problem? Maybe it’s because I’m a Virgo, who constantly overthinks to the point of submission. I think if I am able to reduce my overthinking and just learn to go with the flow, maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to get through my annual goals.
That being said, I am slowly walking away from the concept of “New Year, New Me” because for me it puts too much pressure to always achieve something every year and that is not always a necessity. It is also another way for me to put myself down even further and completely negate all of the strides that I have made. It is a way of erasing all the hard work that I have done instead of reevaluating how and what can be improved for the future. Instead, think of all the positive things around me that have happened, the birthdays I was able to witness and the memories I was able to make with friends and family. This will allow me to focus on the journey and not too much on the destination, which is often overlooked.
Let me know, do you fall into the “New Year, New Me” mantra or you not care about it?
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