Are you seeing red… literally red roses, red hearts, red letters of love?  If you just had a breakup or your relationship status is complicated, it’s my guess that seeing red is making you feel a bit overwhelmed? What do the broken hearted do on Valentine’s Day? Some will give up, post sarcastic memes on Instagram (or other social media), or how about just wait it until 2/15 to feel alive again… NO! Instead do as cognitive reboot. Here’s how

1. Ditch the relationship post mortem

No one enters into a relationship expecting its demise.  Therefore grieving a relationship that has come to an end is perfectly normal. However, don’t spend unnecessary time dissecting the relationship into “should have, would have, and could have.” Although it would be nice, we cannot go back in time. The past cannot be changed. Instead remain present and forward thinking.

2. You don’t need a Band-Aid.

“ So you got any plans this weekend?”  Is a loaded question for someone who has just ended a relationship or for those who just have not found that special someone. Being alone sucks at times but don’t seek to fill that void with someone else with whom you do not see a future with unless you are both on the same page. Otherwise, it just causes problems later on for both parties.

3. Your relationship status is not you

“ You are not in a relationship? What’s wrong with you?”  There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship. You have a golden opportunity that people in relationships sometimes may not have. You have the opportunity to explore your needs and desires on your own terms. When the time comes for you to enter into a relationship you will be better prepared. This is your time to grow and improve yourself.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others

“ If they can do it I can do it.” The root of a healthy, happy, and sustaining relationship is work. We don’t often see the work that is being done including the trials and failures. We see the fruit. Remember that each relationship is as different as the two people it is composed of. Therefore, each relationship creates its own blueprint for success or failure. No two relationships are alike.

5. Be kind to your self

Feed yourself with thoughts and experiences that create positive energy. Creating daily affirmations for yourself is key in developing positive self talk. Affirmations should always be present tense for example, “I am ok.” Simply saying, “I am ok”, helps to refresh and renew your mind. If you find yourself seeing and thinking negatively about your relationship status, say to yourself “ I am ok.” Know that you really are ok.

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