Friction is normal, but crisis management is a skill. No relationship is void of crisis. Not one. In every relationship such as marriage, there are financial, emotional, ideological, philosophical, cultural, behavioral and lifestyle crises. However, understanding the following and taking appropriate steps will make your relationship even stronger:
- Tolerate: Tolerance is key. Exercise caution while discussing a new idea with your spouse (marriage and home) especially, where your spouse has not imbibed the same principles and concepts that have formed you. This is one of the reasons I advocate that couples should attend the same worship centers, seminars, listen to same message and do a lot together and in common. Otherwise, if a couple listens to different things, their house will become a place of two parallel teachings, which may not be ideal for the marriage and consequently the home.
- Patience: I consider it funny and very interesting how easy it is for a partner to patiently teach and endure with friends, colleagues, members of staff, and others in the public, but struggle when it comes to showing the same virtue with their spouse. More often than not, we assume our spouse should know and understand. We lose patience with our spouse easily, expecting them to accept it whether it is convenient or not. Exercising a little patience and lot more with your spouse, children and family than you would with a stranger is better for peace and harmony to characterize your marriage.
- Share: Deliberately share your dreams and aspirations with your spouse with a view to helping him or her better understand your aims and goals. Never assume your spouse knows and understands your thought process, intentions, vision, dream, work, business, pursuit, assignment, ministry, career or profession. When your spouse believes in you and your pursuit, moral support is easily found. Learning to share is a gradual process. Keep working at it. You will get there!
- Motivate: Have you ever seen a good and skillful football (soccer) striker without supporting strikers? None! As a matter of fact, I opine that, strikers are opportunists, who strategically position themselves waiting to be fed by the supporting strikers who labor tirelessly to feed the strikers. In the same vein, your spouse is your supporting striker. Sure there are exceptions, but many men and women of affluence and influence in the following areas- society, politics, business and ministry often have a supportive and supporting spouse. Make your spouse a stakeholder and shareholder in your pursuit. Let him/her see what you see, reason with you and subscribe to your ideology and philosophy of life. It may be difficult but it is certainly not impossible. Take a conscious step to integrate and incorporate your spouse into your career, business, ministry and pursuit.
- Mentor: This is particularly for husbands. Patiently nurture and mentor your wife. You may not really be in charge of ‘YOUR WIFE’ until she begins to imbibe your ideas. Your wife should see you as a man of principles (goodly and Godly principles). When your wife begins to quote you and imbibe your way of life…your home will be heaven on earth. This is not to say you will need to be more intelligent or educated than your wife but as far as your family and your household is concerned, be ahead!
- Mutual submission: Treat one another reverently, preferentially, decently and with high esteem. Recognize and treat your wife for who she is, Treasure! In the Bible, a woman is referred to as ‘Wisdom’ personified. Consequently, a man must not despise wisdom, the wife. So, treat her and let her behave like one. Never despise her and her wisdom. And every woman must strive to be nothing less. Create the atmosphere for her to showcase her very best.
- Seek the guidance of those you respect: There may come a time where a trusted third party becomes necessary in order to quench the fire of crises and misunderstanding between couples. It is a good idea to involve someone that your spouse looks up to. This is a person that your spouse respects and will listen to, provide advice and help solve any problems.
- Pray: Involve your maker. Prayerfully commit and handover your spouse to God. Even if you think everything is going well for you and your marriage, praise and pray! And where you think everything is otherwise, pray! When you have implemented and executed the above points, but yet there is no positive result, pray! And where you see things changing as desired, praise and thank God for it. Where you think you have exhausted all avenues and means to make you relationship work, pray earnestly! Where you think reasons, endurance, long-suffering, patience, and everything has failed, prayer has never failed. If you think all your effort is in futility and there is no human remedy, try divine remedy. Try the power of prayer. It has never failed and it cannot start failing. Permit me to quote this way, ‘the prayer of a righteous spouse avails much!’ Pray and pray again, you will never regret doing so.
By: John O. Alabi
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