- Redefine marriage! Begin to see marriage as an act: “Mar ‘D’ Rage”. . Consider that the word “mar” means to spoil or render less useful.Anger is a weapon that can either be channeled negatively or positively. However, when it comes to a serious or marriage relationship you must consciously bring your anger under control or better still, destroy your anger, otherwise it will destroy your marriage. Surrender your rage because no one benefits from the effects of anger. Your spouse will get on your nerves many times, learn to “Mar the Rage” before the rage renders your marriage useless.
- Understand, rather than love! Marriage is more of understanding than love. Love attracts, but understanding sustains and endures. Love may fade away after marriage, but it is understanding that keeps and sustains the marriage. I often say, “it isn’t that a man would not see a more beautiful and responsible lady than the wife and it isn’t that a woman would not see a more handsome and responsible man than the husband, but what keeps and sustains the couple is the understanding they have built over the years”. The married couples would agree that the understanding that exists between partners is what sustains marriages.
- Prepare to give wholeheartedly and at times be denied dearly. Marriage will give you squarely and deny you dearly. For instance, your spouse may provide you with all your heart’s desires and pleasure till you want no more when newly married, but when they deny you that will hurt you And you can do nothing about it. A time will come when your spouse will be there all the time and may not be there during other moments. Your spouse may be everything today and may appear to be nothing tomorrow. Prepare yourself mentally. It is still part of the process called marriage.
- Marry a stakeholder. A stakeholder is defined as a person with legitimate interest in a matter. Consequently, a stakeholder will do everything possible to protect and preserve his/her interest. Therefore, marry someone who has a stake in your life, wellbeing, vision, future, dream, project, ministry, foundation, pursuit, NGO, company, and destiny. In other word, marry somebody who has something to lose. It is very easy for peace and tranquility to rule, reign and permeate the home and any form of relationship where the partners have something to lose. But, where a partner, associate or a spouse has virtually nothing significant to lose, anything can happen and anybody can go to hell. In fact, an insignificant matter that could be managed without a third party would degenerate into issue. A partner who throws caution to the wind is an example that he/she has nothing to lose, and s/he is not a stakeholder. He/she will not bother. Why? He/she has nothing to lose. I remembered those days when I had no shares in any company, I was careless as to if there was meltdown or not. However, when I began to invest in this company, my attitude and expectations changed instantly. Marry someone who has something significant to lose if the marriage does not work!
- Marry a committer to the marriage. No marriage works automatically. Not one. Therefore, marry somebody who is absolutely committed to making the marriage work. You must consciously work on your marriage. Reasons will always arise for you to want to call it quits on your relationship or partnership but you must try tomake your marriage work. Do not marry someone who is always looking for an escape route, Someone who is always looking for faults to nail or crucify you all the time.
- Marry somebody who has something to protect: Marry somebody who has an image, integrity, and reputation to protect. Whoever has nothing to defend or preserve will be dangerous for you to sign a life contract of marriage with. He/she who has nothing to protect will expose everything for the enemy to steal and destroy. As far as he/she is concerned anything can happen. Who cares?!
- Runaway from a PITO spouse. Never settle for someone who is a Predator, Intimidator, Threatening and Oppressive (PITO) . Rather marry someone whose presence encourages, spurs, stirs, and brings out the best in you or encourages you to go the extra mile. Someone whose life and presence awakens the dormant potential in you.
- Prepare your mind for insult from the least expected person. The least expected person to insult you is your spouse. But, be at alert it will come.. No matter how respectful your spouse is, he/she will inadvertently or purposely insult you some day. It may or may not be a public insult, but it will come when you least expect it. Prepare your mind and your shock absorber. But most importantly prepare your response with love.
By: John O. Alabi
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