It’s a new year Beloveds, and this will be the year where we as a people choose to emphatically stand up and say NO to victimhood. Sure, we’ve all been the victim at some point in our lives, individually and as a whole, some even recently; however, it is those that chose to perseverate the feeling of being a victim that will not move forward in a progressive manner in 2017. We must combat it!
Definition: victimhood;ˈviktəmˌho͝od/ (noun) -the state of being a victim.
Let’s be clear, this goes well beyond watching out for where you park at night, how tight the grip is on your purse, or your geographical location coupled with your economic status; I’m referring to mentality. Here are six tips to ensure you’re not participating in victimhood this year.
1: Check your perspective.
If it’s in need of change, then change it. Upgrade it. Revamp it. Do whatever it is that you have to do to improve the way you view things so that you can have better outcomes in future situations. Sometimes it is your perspective alone that can decide if you’ll be the vicTIM or the vicTOR.
2: Embrace your Journey.
May I add to that tag line…”and all that comes along with it.” Not once did I say ignore whatever it is that you’ve been through. It is your life, it is real, it is valid, and it is what has shaped, molded, and hopefully sharpened you to move forward towards your freedom. You absolutely must embrace your journey; however, you mustn’t let it hinder you from forward progression, rather let it fuel you. Your pain produces purpose (again perspective), so it’s all about what you will do with the contents involved with your journey that make the difference going forward. Think of it like this: the rain, from which you may have previously complained about as the victim, is actually what helped you grow. This is because you have been planted in fertile soil. Now if you don’t treat your soil as fertile, or even know it’s fertile, then how can you produce a freshness? Embrace your journey because even those rainy points can serve as markers for how far you’ve come, what you’ve been through, and again what you end up using as fuel or passion to thrust you into a higher or further placement and/or status.
I know its cliché, but forgiveness is truly for you, not them. Forgive, notice I didn’t say ‘forget,’ and move on. Learn to let go of the dislike or even the hatred of your victimizer or the one who’s committed a foul act towards you. By doing so it is only then that you will truly and optimally be able to advance, brush your shoulders off removing the symbolic and sometimes tangible rubble, and be 100% productive. YOU MUST FORGIVE.
4: Tighten up your circle.
What is your ‘circle’? It is your core group of friends that you spend time with regularly, invest in, share intimate information with, your go-to crew, etc. Get that screwdriver or wrench and tighten up any and all loose portions of your circle. It is always needed. Sometimes your circle needs a reduction in size. Here’s the harsh reality, sometimes those same people can be the ones that silence your voice for fear of victimization. Have you ever had something to say, but you knew to keep quiet because if you bring it to your circle they’d just ridicule you? Yeah well it may just mean it’s time to re-evaluate your circle. You may say well how do I know who to remove or distance myself from? Good question, I’ll put it like this:
Somebody in your group has a handshake that isn’t matching their smile. Someone’s been giving fake hugs for a minute but your radar wasn’t up so you missed it. Be cautious. Be observant. Find out who those persons are and weed them out. If your circle needs to be tightened up or reduced for you to be more effective and less the victim then by all means be all for it. The classic rap group Public Enemy said “can’t trust it!” Now that you’ve read this I bet you see things differently going forward. You can thank me later.
5: Get Equipped.
If a man/woman doesn’t have the proper tools, how is he or she expected to build? This is situational. So if you need to armor up to not be victimized anymore, then armor up. If it is knowledge you seek, read some books, take some classes, and surround yourself with people who are smarter than you- remember iron sharpens iron. If you need a spiritual re-alignment, go get that tune up by praying, meditating, and taking your troubles to your higher power. The bottom line here is that you need to take care of yourself in every area of need or importance. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Some would argue that your spiritual health is more important; yet, however you slice it, you’d better get equipped for the battle called life.
6: Set Goals, Smash them, and then repeat.
Barack Obama said in his final speech to the world: “The best way to not feel hopeless is the get up and do something”. He didn’t say that we would never have that feeling, but it’s what you do to combat that feeling that surpasses all. You have to ‘get up and do something’ worthwhile. Set some goals. Let me use an anecdotal effect, and tie in ‘his’ story to this equation. While these are facts of his life story and journey that I’ll touch on, it’s anecdotal because I can’t personally vouch for if he felt victimized or not, all I know is that he persevered through it all and this is the model that we all can learn and take from. Barack Hussein Obama, a man with one of the most ‘black’ or African names one can possibly have, has a very unique story. One that epitomizes setting a goal, achieving it, and then repeating. To summarize, he has a white mother, African father whom he hardly saw (I wish I had the time to tell you all the lifetime effects of fatherlessness), and never really had the luxury of maintaining a consistent home for a long period of time. These are both hot ticketed items that could cause one to fit right into many stereotypes that we as African-Americans fall into. These items listed in his upbringing could have easily led Barack to go down the wrong path quickly and end up in jail, with multiple babies and different “baby mammas”, limited education, and a felony on his record fast. Not Barack Obama! He persevered, left Hawaii, went to school at prestigious universities like Columbia and Harvard, and moved up the ranks all the way to becoming the first African-American and 44th president of the United States! Let’s not forget, he did it twice! If that’s not the definition of setting goals, achieving them, and repeating them I don’t know what is!
He could have easily played the victim and arguably been well within his right, but he didn’t and you shouldn’t either. You may not end up in a high-ranking position like the most powerful person in the world, but by not practicing victimhood you could very well end up in your own divinely orchestrated position. So beloveds I urge you, get out of your own way and let nothing or no one victimize you or your situation. Own it!
-Article submitted courtesy of Vincent Ellis White, M.Ed., host and director of the podcast M-Talk: The Millennial Show, Founder of V.E.W. Enterprises, national speaker, & author of the best-selling book/stage play “Finding Chris, My Father”
(M-Lifestyle does not claim ownership of any images used, unless otherwise specified.)